Draggin' Tails
by Homeydaclown
Summary: Parodies of past episodes of the shitty kids' show; Dragon Tales. Now with character deaths, drug-doing, drinking, & language. NOT FOR LITTLE KIDS TO READ! Chapter 2 up!
1. Chapter 1

**Draggin' Tails**

Holy Shit! Dragons!

**Disclamer:**_ I don't own Dragon Tales. They belong to PBS. Public Bull Shit._

_On a partly cloudy day. A moving truck, was parked in front of a ugly pinkish-white house. Two kids. A boy & a girl, was looking at the house. The girl was carrying a big-ass book & the boy was carrying a ugly pink towel. The girl, who's name was Emmy, had a smile on her face._

"Come on, Max. Let's check it out." she said with happiness in her voice.

"No way." the boy, who's name was Max, said. "I don't like our new house. It's dumb!"

"Just like you." Emmy said, as she turned to him. "C'mon. Mom said, that there be a surprise inside, remember?"

_Then she grabs his arm & pulls him to the ugly ass house. Inside, they went to a room, that had dragon wallpaper. Emmy was amazed._

"Whoa! A playroom!" she gasped.

"So?" Max said. "Is this the surprise?

"I guess." Emmy said, as she went over to the wall. "And look. Dragons. Just like in my dragon book!"

_Then she opens up the book, she been carrying & turns to a page, that had a pale blue snake-looking dragon._

"Hey. All my trucks are here!" Max said, as he threw the towel aside & went to his trucks. Just then, a Rosie Perez sounding voice was heard.

"Max. Emmy. Findin' all yo' toys 'ight?" the voice said.

"Yeah, mom." Emmy repiled, as she looked up from the book.

"Good." said a male voice, that belonged to their unseen father, that sounds like a older dragon, that's gonna appear later. "We're still unpackin'. Have fun kids."

"Okay daddy." the kids said in unison. Emmy turned to Max. "You sounded so gay, when you said that. 'Okay daddy.' God! You should go eat a dick!"

"What does 'gay' & 'dick' mean?" Max asked, stupidly.

"It's what you are." Emmy started. "A gay dick."

_Max, not wanting to get in a argument, picked up a truck._

"Varoom! Varoom! Varoom!" the boy said, as he was kicking his legs.

_Upon doing this, he accidently opened a secret drawer. He notices this._

"Hey Emmy." he said, as he got on the floor. "Come here."

_He pulls, well tries to pull the drawer open, but failed. Emmy was enjoying this. Seeing her little brother, struggle._

"A secret drawer." said Captin Oblivious. "Let me help."

"I can do it!" whined Max.

_He pulls on the drawer so hard, that he falls backwards into some boxes, that had the lable; 'fragile' on them. The boxes fell onto the floor and of course something broke, as glass shattering was heard. Max lifts up his head, looking defeated._

"Okay. You can help." he sighed.

_Then they both started pulling the drawer open, together. They pulled & pulled, but they both ended falling backwards into some more boxes. The boxes fell onto their heads._

"Ow!" Emmy cried, as some of the boxes items, which was pencils, pens, & for some reason; knives fell down onto her.

"Ha!Ha!" Max laughed, as pillows & covers fell from his box.

_Then they both get up to see, that the stubborn ass drawer was opened. In it was a designed golden box with a ruby lock. Emmy picked up the box._

"Look! Another dragon." she awed, as she opened the box.

_Inside of the box, was rainbow rock. It shined & sparkled for the first time, for god knows how many years._

"I think, I know what it is." Emmy said.

"Is it somethin' to play with?" Max asked, as he took the rock from his sister.

Emmy looks at her book. "Here. Look Max. We found a dragon scale. Just like these."

_Then she showed the book to Max. On the page, that the book was on, it showed a green dragon, with scales._

"But dragons, aren't real." Max said.

"Neither are we." Emmy said, breaking the fourth wall. "We're just ink & paint on some animation gels."

"We're not real?" Max asked, in a hurt voice.

"Oh shit!" Emmy exclaimed. "I shouldn't have said that!"

"You damn right, you shouldn't!" shouted the director. "You just caused us money! Do you know, how much money, we have to spend, doin' that scene?"

"Lots." Emmy said.

"Yeah!" the director shouted. "Thanks to you, we have to do that scene all over again! Looks like, we have to cut out the music video for this episode!"

_Everyone was mad at Emmy._

_**Take 2**_

"But dragons aren't real." Max said. Then he had a worried look on his face. "Are they?"

"I believe in them." Emmy said, with a smile on her face.

_Get ready, for her annoying catchphrase now, yall!_

"Definately." Emmy said, with a wide grin on her face.

_Annoying, ain't it? Anyway, she looks at the box some more._

"There's some words here. _'I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.'_" she read outloud, as she started looking like Princess Daisy from the Mario Brothers games.

_Then, as if they had ears. The dragons, that's on the wallpaper, came from the walls & started flying around the brother & sister. Emmy gasped._

"Whoa!" she gasped.

"What's goin' on?" Max cried.

_The dragons circled around them faster & faster, until there was a bright lime-colored flash._

_It then shows, a mountain with snow on it's peak. The two kids appears._

"W-Where are we, Emmy?" Max asked, scared.

"I don't know." Emmy said, doing her worst William Shanter impression.

_Then she looks at the ground, a purple rock, was by her foot. It had changed from purple to red. She picks it up._

"Whoa! A rock changed color." she awed. "And it's my favorite color too! Red. I'm keepin' it."

_She puts the rock into her pocket._

"I've found a rock too!" Max said, as he picked up a yellow tooth-like rock. "And my points!" He puts the 'rock' into his pocket.

_Emmy looks at the sky._

"Max. Look!" she exclaimed, as she pointed into the air.

_In the air, was two dragons. A blue one & a pink one._

"Are those, real dragons?"

"Real, big dragons." Max added, as he hid behind Emmy.

"I gotta find it!" the blue dragon said. "It's my first tooth & it just fell out!"

_The pink dragon looks down._

"Ord." the pink dragon said, to the blue dragon. "Down there!"

"You found my tooth!" Ord exclaimed, as he was about to shit on himself. "Huh? What's that?"

"I think, they're children." the pink dragon said to Ord. "I saw a picture of them on a book."

"We better stay far, far awa.." Ord started, as the pink dragon swooped down towards the brother & sister. "Cassie! Where are you goin'?"

_Then Cassie comes back up & grabs Ord. Then she pulls him down to the kids. They land. Max was still behind Emmy._

"Emmy." Max whispered, from behind her.

"Cassie." Ord whispered, from behind her.

"Wow! You talk!" Emmy exclaimed.

"So do you!" Cassie exclaimed.

"Yes. I'm Emmy." Emmy said. "And this is my little brother Max."

"I'm not little." Max started. "I'm big!"

"Are you really?" Cassie asked, amorusly.

"What?" Max asked.

"Never mind." Cassie said, angered that Max didn't get her reference. "Anyway, I'm Cassie."

_Then she moves away, so Ord was unprotected. So-to-speak._

"And this is my scaredy friend; Ord."

"Hi." Ord said.

_Max comes to him & looks up at him. Ord was huge as a fuckin' tree._

"You won't bite me, will ya?" Ord asked.

"Me? Bite you?" Max asked. "Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!"

"Where are we?" Emmy asked, as she looked around.

"Dragon Land." Cassie answered.

"Dragon Land?" Emmy repeated, like a fuckin' idiot.

"What are you hard of hearin'?" Cassie sniffed. "Yeah. We're in Dragon Land!"

_Then she recovered._

"Do more dragons live here?" Emmy asked.

"Sure." Cassie said, not wanting to lose her cool again. "Lots and lots. Aren't there dragons, where you come from?"

"Only on storybooks." Emmy said.

_Then all of a sudden, the whole world started shaking._

"W-W-Whoa! W-W-What's happenin'?" Max asked.

_Ord rubs his potbelly._

"Oh. It's just my tummy." he said. "I forgot my morning snack."

_Then he goes into his 'hoard' & started taking out useless crap like a beachball, a pillow, & some underwear, until he took out some purple seeds._

"Ah! Dragoncorn!" he exclaimed.

_Then he takes a deep breath, as he threw the seeds into the air. Cassie pulls Max & Emmy back._

"Duck!" she shouted.

_Ord releases his fire breath onto the seeds. The seeds turned into purplish-popcorn._

"Wow. Fire breath." Emmy awed. "I always wanted to do that."

_Max comes up out of the popcorn._

"Cool Ord." the boy without a life, said. "Huge, pink..."

_He picks up a piece of the popcorn & takes a bite._

"Popcorn!" he said.

_Then they all started eating the popcorn, with Ord being the main one to eat it._

"Now, I'm not hungry anymore." Ord said, as he looked sleepy. "But I still don't have my baby tooth. It's gone."

"Poor Ord." Cassie soothed the larger dragon.

"Maybe, you can check all the places, you play today." Emmy suggested. "That's what I do, when I lose crap."

"What does 'crap' mean?" Ord asked.

"Never mind." Emmy said, as she facepalmed herself.

"Yeah. Maybe I lost it at 'Singin' Springs', when I showed it to Zak & Wheezie." Ord said.

"Who the fuck is Zak & Wheezie?" Max asked.

_Everyone gasped._

"What?" Max asked.

"You said, the F word!" Cassie exclaimed. "I'm tellin' the director!"

"Oh no you don't!" the director shouted to her. "I already know. He can cuss. Hell everybody can cuss!"

"Okay?" Cassie said, mysteriously.

"Like, I said. Who the fuck is Zak & Wheezie?" Max asked again.

"We'll show you. C'mon." Cassie said, as she & Ord fly off.

_The two dragons look down on the kids._

"Aren't you comin'?" Ord asked.

"We can't fly." Emmy called out to them.

"Can't fly?" Cassie & Ord repeat, like idiots in unison.

_Then they both flew back down to the kids._

"Not even a lil' bit?" Ord asked.

_Max & Emmy nodded._

"No." they both said in unison.

"Well." Cassie started. "Emmy. You could ride on my back."

"Me?" Emmy asked.

"No, I'm talkin' about your daddy." Cassie said in a sarcastic tone. "Of course, you."

"Me. Fly? Definately." Emmy said, her annoying catchphrase.

"Wanna ride on me, Max?" Ord asked, as he laughed at what he just said.

"I don't know." Max said.

"It's okay, you big baby." Emmy said to him. "I'll go first."

_Then she goes over to Cassie & gets on her back. Cassie turns to her._

"All set?" she asked, as she was about to take off.

"Yeah." Emmy answered.

_Then Cassie took off & flew around a bit in the air._

"Max! Look! Look! I'm flyin'!" Emmy exclaimed.

"Actually, you're just ridin'. I'm flyin'." Cassie muttered, but not loud enough for Emmy to hear.

"It does look, sort of fun." Max said, as he looked up at Ord again. "But how am I gonna get way up there?"

"Climb on!" Ord said, as he turned his back to him.

_Max climbs up Ord's back & Ord laughed._

"You tickle." he laughed, as he slid Max up & down on his back.

"Whoa!" Max called out as he slid. "This is better than my slide at home, Emmy."

"Ready?" Ord asked.

"Let's go." Max replied.

"Hold on tight." Ord said, as he's ready to take off. "All aboard for Singing Springs!" Then they took off.

"This is so fuckin' cool!" Max exclaimed.

"You can open your eyes now, Max." Emmy laughed.

"Super cool!" Max the loser, exclaimed.

_They was soon at a gold fountain. And coming from the fountain, was music-shaped water, that made music._

"That water's playin' music!" Captain Oblivious pointed out.

"Sure. This is Singin' Springs." Ord said.

"Where's Zak & Wheezie?" Cassie asked, as she looked around.

"I'll get 'em!" Ord said, as he went over to a knucklehole. He looks into it. "Zak! Wheezie! Come out, wherever you are!"

_Then the ground starts shaking. Then came out of the knucklehole, came out a green & purple dragon. The dragon had two heads. Anyway, the dragon fell into the fountain, making the lame 90's WB cartoons 'honk' sound._

_The dragon looked at the others._

"What's up?" it said.

Max gasped. "It's a..."

Emmy interrupted. "Two headed dragon!"

"Great big ballz of fire!" said the purple female head.

"I say, what the bloody 'ell are they?" asked the green male head.

"Children." Cassie answered. "Emmy & Max, this is Zak & Wheezie."

"Children?" Zak asked.

_Get ready for another annoying catchphrase._

"LOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!" Wheezie screeched.

"Zak. Wheezie. Did I left my tooth in your room?" Ord asked.

"I don't have the jolliest idea, old bean." Zak said.

"Let's go look." Wheezie said.

_Then they ran back to the knucklehole & jumped back inside._

"Where they go?" Max asked, stupidly, as if he didn't see what happened.

"Down the knucklehole, stupid." Cassie sniffed. "They live down there."

"A knucklehole?" Emmy awed. "Wow! Can we see?"

Mario: No.

Robotnik: NO!

"Never mind those assholes." Cassie said. "C'mon."

"Me first, this time." Max bitched.

"Okay. Okay. You spolied brat!" Emmy sniffed.

_Then Ord picks up Max & they both fall into the hole._

"GER-WHATEVER-HIS-NAME!" he shouted.

_Cassie with Emmy follows._

_They bounced around, until they hit the bottom. The stolen WB sounds played again, as they landed. They looked at Zak & Wheezie._

"Our cave, is your cave." Wheezie said.

"Did you find my tooth?" Ord asked, with hopefulness in his voice.

"I say, I don't see your tooth on my side, old chap." said the british dragon head.

"It's not on my side, either." added Wheezie.

"How can you tell anything is, in all that bloody mess." Zak asked.

"What mess?" Wheezie asked, stupidly.

Ord sighed sadly. "Oh. I guess, my tooth isn't here."

"Maybe, Quetzal can help us look." Cassie said.

"Quetzal?" Emmy repeated, like a fuckin' idioit.

Cassie was cross. "You know what? Just because, you keep repeatin' every single thing, I'm not gonna tell you, who he is."

"Oh, come on!" Emmy whined.

"Let's go to the school in the sky." Cassie said, ignoring Emmy.

"You go to a school, up in the sky?" Max asked, stupidly.

_The scene then fades to some background dragons, playing on the playground. Then it shows, a small cottage-like building. The three main dragons landed in front of it._

"Cool! A playground!" Emmy awed.

"Wow!" a loser named Max added.

_Damn, these kids don't get out much, do they?_

"Take it easy, Wheezie!" Zak hollered. "You're gonna make me spill my cup of tea!"

_Max & Emmy get off of Ord & Cassie, as the door to the cottage-like building opens._

"Quetzal!" Ord called out.

_There, standing at the door, was an older yellow dragon._

"_¡Que sorpresa! _Children! Here in Dragon Land!" he exclaimed.

"Emmy. Max" Cassie started. "This is Quetzal."

"'_Hola niños_!" Quetzal exclaimed happily.

"You speak spanish?" Emmy asked, stupidly.

"_Sí_. I come from _Me-he-co_." Quetzal said.

"So does my _abuela_." Max added.

"Maybe, we're cousins?" Emmy asked stupidly.

"Hee! Hee! Hee! Ha!" Quetzal laughed, at the stupid girl's remark.

"Quetzal." Cassie started. "Have you ever seen children, in Dragon Land before?"

"Ah, _sí_, Cassie." Quetzal said, in his thick spanish accent. "Come, I'll show you."

_It fades away, to a book, that had a golden dragon on it. Quetzal opened it._

"Long ago in Dragon Land, there was a lonely dragon who wanted to play with real, live children. So she sprinkled magic dust on her shiniest dragon scales and blew them right out of Dragon Land. And whenever children are lucky enough to find one, they can visit Dragon Land any time they want." Quetzal explained, as he sparkled some magic dust onto the book and the book's characters played.

"And we found, one of her scales!" Emmy said.

"But, we didn't find my tooth." Ord cried, interrupting everyone's good mood, with _his_ problems.

_Then the asshole starts crying. Well, more like, bawling. Like a little baby._

"Oh, bloody hell!" Zak said, as he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, god!" Wheezie said, as she rolled her eyes.

"_¡Ah dios!_" Quetzal said, as he took out a joint. "This _pensamiento alegre de asno _is gonna be cryin' for _horas! _Might as well smoke some of my _el jointos!_"

_Then he lights up the joint & starts smoking, as Max, Emmy & Cassie went to a table & read some magazines, while the big baby cried over his tooth. _

"This'll be a good time, to take a break!" the director said.

_Then all of the camera & production crew, went on break, as Ord cried his eyes out._

"Time for tea!" Zak said, as he looked at his watch. It was after 4:00.

"Time to listen, to some smooth jazz!" Wheezie exclaimed, as she took out a cd player, some smooth jazz cds, & several boxes of cheese crackers, chocolate chip cookies, a several bottles of Sierra Mist, cans of Red Bull, two newspapers, that said; 'The London Times' & 'The Wall Street Journal'.

"So, which one, d'you wanna read first, Zaky?" she aked. "The London Times or 'The Wall Street Journal'?"

"The London Times, my dear Wheezie." Zak said, as he took a sip of tea.

"Okay." she said, as she tossed him the newspaper.

_Then she reached into their 'hoard' & took out a magazine, that said.; 'Playdragon: The Female's edition'. And started reading it._

_**Four hours later.**_

_Ord had stopped crying & everyone was done with their breaks._

"You lost y-your, y-your root?" Quetzal asked, still high.

"Wrong!" the director shouted. "It's 'you lost your tooth', Quetzal. Do it again!"

_**Take 2**_

"You lost y-your tooth?" Quetzal asked, still high. "Show me."

_Then Ord points to the empty spot in his mouth._

"I've found, somethin' today, that looks just like that." Max explained, as he dug into his pocket, to get the tooth-shaped rock, that he found earlier and takes it out. "See?"

"It's my tooth! **IT'S MY TOOTH!**" Ord exclaimed, as he picked up the boy and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Max! You're the best!"

"Uh, Ord." Max said. "I'm squished."

_It fades away, to Ord's tooth in a brown box._

"What are you doin', Ord?" Emmy asked.

"Every time dragons lose a tooth, they get to make a wish." Ord explained in a excited voice. "This is my first one!"

_Then he blows onto the tooth & the tooth disappears. Max & Emmy was amazed._

"What did you wish for?" Max asked.

"I wish, you & Emmy would come back and play." Ord said. "All the time."

"_Loooooooove it!_" Wheezie said, her annoying catchphrase again.

"I got to agree with you on that one, old bean." Zak said.

_Quetzal went over to the cupboard & opened it. He took out another dragon scale._

"Well, this is easy. The dragon scale, at their house will glow & they'll know, you want to play with them." he explained, as he gave the extra scale to Ord. "I've got the _algo para picars_, man! That is some fucked up shit!"

"But, we don't know, how to go home." Emmy said, now realizing the reality of this.

"I'll teach you a special rhyme, to take you home." Quetzal said. "Ready _niños_?"

_Everyone said their goodbyes._

"Goodbye."

"I'll miss you!"

"So, long, old beans!"

"See ya!"

"I'll dream about you, in my dreams!"

"Ready, Quetzal." Emmy said, as she held Max's hand.

"Now here is the rhyme." Quetzal started. "Only toasters, toast toast!"

"**CUT!**" shouted the director. "Do it, again!"

**Take 3**

"**Oh, Bob Saget!**" Quetzal said, in the Tourette's Guy's voice.

"**WRONG!**" the director shouted, also in Tourette's Guy's voice.

**Take 4**

"I wish, I wish to use this rhyme. To go back home, until next time." Quetzal said. "I'm still fuckin' _zumbado_, man!"

"I wish, I wish to use this rhyme. To go back home, until next time." Emmy & Max said together, as sparkles started forming around them.

_Then there was a white flash & it shows their room. Emmy goes over to the secret drawer & opens it to see the dragon box. She picks it up & opens it, to see the original dragon scale._

"It's here!" she exclaimed. "I can't wait, to go back to Dragon Land."

"Me too!" Max added. "I wonder, if Ord has trucks?"

_Then he picks up his green truck._

"Varoom! Varoom! _**VAROOM!**_"

_Then the off-screen Rosie Perez sounding mother speaks._

"Emmy. Max. How d'chu, like da new house?"

_Max & Emmy looks at each other._

"**LOOOOOOOOVE IT!**" they both said, Wheezie's annoying catchphrase together.

"Cut and print!" the director said. "And that's a wrap!"

"Oh man!" Quetzal shouted. "**I NEED TO GET ME SOME MORE **_**EL JOINTOS **_**& SOME TACOS, MAN!**"

"Oh, fuck off, you sod!" Zak sniffed, as he drunk his tea.

_**Looks like, that's it for the first chapter of Draggin' Tails. What did we learn from this chapter? Well, Quetzal is an old drug addit. Ord's a baby. Zak's british, & Cassie's a bitch. Please read & review, on what episode, should be parodied next. **_


	2. ShittyAss Cake

Shitty-assed cake

_Alright, this is gonna be a switch from the first chapter. Which means, some chapters will start, after Emmy & Max leaves their playroom._

_Anyway, the director says action & it shows Cassie & Ord, standing in front of a ugly ass tent. Max & Emmy appears. Max was wearing a bowl on his head._

"We brought, some cookin' stuff!" Max exclaimed, as he held up a egg beater & Emmy held some spoons.

"When do we start?" Emmy asked.

"As soon as the freak get here." Cassie replied. Meaning, Zak & Wheezie, duh.

"What's that?" Max asked, as he pointed off-screen.

_It shows a red book, that had a photo of a triple-layer cake._

"It's the first place prize, of the annual Dragon Land Cake Bakin' Contest." Cassie explained, as she grabbed the book. "It's a very special cook book."

_She hands Ord the book. The idiot starts drooling._

"And when we bake our big cake. We gonna come in first place!" Ord said excitedly. "And win it for Quetzal, because he loves to cook! And with his very own cookbook, he'll always have lots of yummy food around & he'll maybe give me some!"

"Damn, Ord. Take a breath." Cassie sniffed.

"Yeah." Emmy said. "But what kind of cake, are we gonna make?"

_Before, the big, fat, blue dragon can respond. The ground started shaking._

"Uh, Ord?" Max asked. "That's not your stomach, is it?"

"No." Ord answered.

_Then it shows a knuckerhole & out came the 'freak'._

"Woo! Ha!Ha!Ha!" Wheezie laughed.

_Then the both of them, landed on their stomach_.

"Well, at least, you two didn't made no stolen sound effect sound, as you landed." Emmy said to them.

"Yeah." Cassie started. "The WB's lawyers, were up in our case for usin' the sounds, from the last chapter."

"Anyway." Max started. "I know, what cake to make. Upside Down Cake."

_The two-headed freak stood up._

"I got it! I got it!" Wheezie hollered, as she reached into their hoard & took out a folded piece of paper.

"The recipe, for our mum's very delicate Dragon Berry Carrot Cake." Zak said.

"That'll win us, first prize for sure." Cassie said.

"Sounds delicious!" Ord said, licking his lips. "When do we get to eat it?"

"First, we have to make it, asshole." Emmy said. Then she stopped. "Should I say that word?"

"Yes." the director barked.

"Okay." Emmy said. "We have to make it first, asshole."

"Oh." Ord said, stupidly.

_Max takes off the bowl, he been wearing._

"Let's see, what we'll need." said Cassie.

_Zak holds the list._

"Exactly, one box of cake mix. Three eggs. Five carrots. One bottle of milk & two cups of dragonberries." he listed.

"_Mmmhmmm!_ My tummy _can't_ wait!" Ord exclaimed, as he shook his big potbelly in excitement. Then he leans down to Max. "Come Max! I know, just where to get some of that shit!"

_Then he takes off._

"I know, what we can get, Emmy." Cassie said, as she went over to Emmy.

_Emmy gets on her & they take off._

"I say, I do too." Zak said. "Come on, dear Wheezie."

_Then he was about to go one way & Wheezie was about to go to the other. Then Wheezie tries to go the other way & Zak tries to go his way. This keeps on & on, until they eventually ripped apart. Killing each other immediately._

"**CUT!**" the director shouted. "Bring in the clone Zak & Wheezie, with the same british & american personalites!"

_**Take 2**_

_The new Zak & Wheezie was doing the earlier stunt, that the old Zak & Wheezie was doing. They twisted their heads & fell on their ass. Making that 'honk' sound effect, while they did it._

"Whoa!" Wheezie laughed. "Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha! Snort!"

_It fades away to Max & Ord, leaving his cave. Ord was carrying a basket of eggs._

"Thanks, mom!" he called out to his off-screen mother. "See ya.!"

"Hey Ord." Max started. "Wheezie said, that we only need three eggs."

"I know." Ord replied to his shorter friend. "I brought extras, in case we break any. See?"

_He tilt the basket & three eggs fell out. They broke on the ground._

"Good idea." Max laughed.

_It fades away to Zak & Wheezie, standing at a tree. One of them was wearing a catcher's mitt._

"Here chick, chick, chicky!" Wheezie hollered. "Pitch it, right here!"

_Then it shows a dragon-chicken, willing to give them some eggs. It clucked as it sat down & started laying the eggs. An egg fell into the awaiting catcher's mitt._

"Atta girl!" Wheezie called out, as Zak put the egg into their hoard. "Strike one! Do it again! Right in the middle!"

_The dragon-chicken sat back down, clucked, as it laid another egg._

"Strike two!" Wheezie called out, as she caught the second egg & Zak put it away in their hoard. "One more time!"

_The dragon-chicken clucked, as it laid the third egg. The third egg, took a different route, than the last two. It bounced on a branch & flew onto Zak's head._

"Ewww! My word!" Zak sniffed, as egg was over him.

"**Foul ball!**" Wheezie called out to the dragon-chicken.

_Zak gives Wheezie an evil look._

"Yee!Ha!Ha! Get it? Foul ball!" Wheezie laughed, at Zak's predictament. "Yee Ha!Ha!Ha! _Snort!_"

_The dragon-chicken laughs too. Either laughing from Wheezie's crappy joke, or Zak with egg on his face. Probably, the latter. Zak was pissed._

"I say, I'll teach you, for laughing at me, you bloody wanker!" Zak sniffed, as he opened his mouth & released his fire breath at the dragon-chicken.

_The fire hits it mark, thus cooking the dragon-chicken. A timer sound was heard, as Zak stopped his fire breath, meaning that the chicken was done._

"Now time for me lunch!" Zak muttered, as he put on a bbq glove & went for the chicken.

_He grabs the roasted chicken & set it on a conviently placed plate. He then rings a small bell & came a butler._

"May I help you, sir?" the butler asked.

"Yes, you may, Jeeves." Zak started. "I want so bbq sauce, with my chicken."

_So, the butler takes out a bottle of barbeque sauce & starts pouring it onto the chicken._

"Say, 'when' sir." the butler said.

"When." Zak said.

_The butler stopped pouring & Zak started eating._

"And print!" the director called out.

_A little bit later now. Max & Ord was waiting._

"There they are." Max pointed.

_In the sky was, Zak, Wheezie, Cassie, & Emmy. They was all coming for a landing._

"I say. Did you get the stuff?" Zak asked, as he looked at Cassie & Emmy.

"Uh huh." Emmy responded.

"Let's see." Max said.

"Zak & I found eggs." Wheezie said. "Got 'em right here!" Then she slaps their hoard, which was a stupid move, because doing that, broke the eggs inside.

"Ewww! Nice goin', you wank!" Zak sniffed, as he frowned at her. "You broke them!"

"That's okay." Ord butted in. "Max & I got some eggs too."

"What did you get Emmy?" Max asked.

_Both Emmy & Cassie had nervous looks on their faces._

"Eggs?" they both said nervously in unison.

"I say, who brought the cake mix & milk?" Zak asked.

_Max & Ord look at each other & Cassie & Emmy did the same thing. _

"Baking a cake is hard." Max said.

"Yeah. It's much easier, just to eat one." Ord added.

"It's not that tough." Wheezie said, as she looked at the recipe.

"We just need to decide, exactly who's gonna get what." Zak said, as everyone went towards the two-headed freak for some reason.

"Oh boy!" Ord exclaimed, as he started drooling. "D-Dragonberries! I'll take those!"

"And I'll make sure, that he doesn't eat them all." Max said.

"Cassie & I, get the carrots." Emmy said, as she pointed to the carrots photo.

"We already have plenty of eggs." Zak said. Everyone gave a nod. "So, Wheezie & I will get the cake mix & milk. That's everything. We all be back in my mum's kitchen."

"Yeah. Let's shake it! And **BAKE IT!**" Wheezie hollered, as she & Zak bend down & shook their dragon tail for some stupid reason.

_Then everyone laughed & ran off to get the fixings for the cake._

_It cutsaway to a knuckerhole & then the inside of it. Wheezie's loud-ass voice was heard._

"Check the list, Zaky!" she shouted.

_It then shows them._

"Three eggs. Lots of cake mix. Five carrots. A bottle of milk & two cups of dragonberries." Zak read outloud. "That's everything."

"Great! Let's bake the cake!" Ord said, doing his worst Yogi Bear impression.

"What do we do first?" Max asked.

"Well, we need to.." Zak started, before being interrupted by Emmy.

"My mom, always washes her fruit & vegetables first." she said, as she took the carrots & dragonberries to the sink.

_She puts them in the sink & turns the water on._

"I love, pourin' the cake mix in the bowl, when my mom bakes. It's so..." Wheezie rambled, as she poured the mix into the bowl, releasing the mix dust everywhere. Some of the dust got into Ord's nose.

"Ah-**CHOO!**" he sneezed into the bowl.

_His sneeze caused one of the mountains, far away in dragon land to collaspe & kill some background dragons, fairies, & other shit._

_Anyway, Ord's sneeze caused the mix dust to spread everywhere, making Emmy not see, that the sink was overflowing. Zak was pissed._

"**STOP!**" he shouted. "This isn't working! Before we start, we need to decide, who's gonna do what."

"And who's gonna do the deciding?" Ord asked.

_Everyone stopped & think._

"Hmmm?" they all said in unison.

"What we need, is a key chef." Cassie suggested.

"Yeah." Wheezie said. "And I know, just the dragon for the job."

_They put on the apron. Wheezie grabs the chef's hat._

"Chef Zaky!" Wheezie called out, as she slammed the hat onto Zak's head.

"Me?" Zak asked.

"You're the dude. Now make the food." Wheezie said.

"Okay." Zak said.

_Then all of a sudden, his voice changes into Gordon Ramsay's_.

"Alright, you fuckin' donkies!" he shouted. "Get started on that fuckin' cake! One step, at a time! In the right order!"

"But how will we know what to do?" Ord asked stupidly.

"Always askin' fuckin' questions!" Zak sighed, as he rolled his eyes. "Just follow, the fuckin' pictures, on the recipe, you donkey!"

_Then he takes out the recipe book & Wheezie turned the page._

"First, we have to pour the fuckin' cake mix, into a bowl." Zak said, as he & Wheezie go over to the table.

_Max wipes a finger on the table._

"But Fat Ass here, sneezed it all over." he said.

"Thank god, that I brought another fuckin' box!" Zak Ramsay said, as he took out another box from hammerspace.

"Hey!" Cassie started. "That was really good planning!"

_Zak Ramsay turns to Wheezie._

"Alright, you!"

_So, she pours the cake mix into a small bowl._

_Dumb Ord licks his lips._

"Mmm!" he said, as he grabbed some carrots & berries. "Let's put the rest of the shit in, right away!"

"Wait, asshole!" Zak shouted. "Something's not right!"

_Then he looks at the items, on the table._

"Hmmm?" he muttered.

Then it came to him.

"I got it! The fuckin's bowl, too small! And everything's gonna spill out!"

"Maybe, there's a bigger bowl in the cupboard." Cassie suggested.

"Good fuckin' idea!" Zak said.

_Then Cassie went over to the cupboard & grabbed a bigger bowl._

"Here's one." she said, as she took it over to the table.

_Then she poured the cake mix into the bowl._

"Thanks." Zak said. "Let's check the second card."

_Wheezie turns the page._

"Max. You can pour the fuckin' milk." Zak ordered.

_Max grabs the milk & is about to pour it in the bowl._

"But don't spill any!" Zak added. "You _donkey_!"

_Ord lifts Max up._

"Up you go!" he said to Max.

"Thanks." Max said, and started pouring.

"Okay." Zak said, as Wheezie turned the page. "Time for the fuckin' eggs."

"I'm good, at breakin' eggs!" Wheezie said.

"I know." Zak said, as he rolled his eyes. "Emmy, you do it."

_Emmy grabs an egg and breaks it into the bowl._

"Wanna see, how _I_ like to do it?" Wheezie asked.

"**NO!**" shouted Zak in the Tourette's Guy's voice.

_Then Wheezie takes out a lid from hammerspace, as Zak gave the recipebook to Emmy, and takes the lid from Wheezie. Wheezie takes out another lid from hammerspace. She flips the two remaining eggs into the air with the lid._

"**HOLY SHIT!**" Zak Ramsay shouted, still in Tourette's Guy's voice.

_The eggs fall back down & the two headed freak cracked the eggs with the lids. And the eggs go into the bowl._

"Now, that was _egg-citing_! Ha!Ha!Hoo!Hoo!" Wheezie laughed. "Get it? _Egg-citing_! Ha!Ha!Ha!"

_Everyone booed at her lame joke._

"Not funny!" Max said, as he looked at the recipebook. "What's next?"

_Emmy turned the page, in the recipebook._

"Next, we grind up the carrots, into tiny little pieces." she said.

"Sounds like fun!" Wheezie said.

"Oh bloody hell!" Zak exclaims. "Our mum, never let's us use anything sharp. She's afraid, that we might cut ourselves."

"Hey, I know a really fun way to cut up vegetables." Ord said, as he grabbed his tail. "With my handy dandy builted-in carrot peeler."

_Then he holds the carrot over the bowl & started grating the carrot with his tail._

"Hee!Ha!Ha! It tickles!" Ord laughed.

"Um, yeah?" Zak Ramsay said, as Wheezie turned the page in the cookbook. "Okay, Emmy. You pour in the fuckin' dragonberries."

_Emmy looks around._

"Where are they?" she asks.

"I saw them, right over there." Cassie said, as she pointed to a empty bowl, where Ord was.

"Where the fuck, could they be?" Zak Ramsay asked.

_**BURP!**_

_Everyone turned to Ord._

"Those dragonberries was good!" he burped.

"**ORD!**" everyone shouted.

"What?" Ord asked, looking like he's about to cry. "I couldn't help myself."

"**CUT!**" shouted the director. "Dammit, Ord! You just ate the main ingredient for the cake! Now the episode won't be finished in time and that's gonna make PBS pissed & the children sad!"

"And worst of all. We won't get paid!" the crew exclaimed.

"And we won't get paid." the director added.

"You really screwed us this time, asshole!" Cassie sniffed.

"Yeah!" Emmy added.

"I'm sorry." Ord said sadly, as he started turning invisible.

"Don't you dare!" shouted the director. "I **demand**, that you find some replacement dragonberries. Right away!"

_So Ord goes off to do the deed._

_In the PBS stock room. Ord was looking for some dragonberries._

"Where are they? Where are they?" the blue dragon cried, as he shuffled through the room.

_Then the director was heard._

"**ORD! GODDAMMIT! HURRY UP, WITH THOSE INGREDIENTS!**" he shouted.

"Okay!" Ord cried.

_Then without looking, he grabs a red bottle & rushes out of the PBS stock room._

"It's about bloody time!" Zak sniffed, as Wheezie took the bottle from Ord.

_He looks at the bottle._

"Dragonberry Juice? Well, I suppose it's better than nothing."

"Good." said the director. "Now we can continue."

_So Zak holds a measuring cup, as Wheezie started pouring the 'Dragonberry Juice' into it, as the others looked on._

_Then Zak pour the full measuring cup into the bowl & picks up the cooking book._

"Okay." he said, as he flipped the page. "Time to stir the shit all up!"

"I wanna stir!" Ord called.

"Me too!" Max shouted.

_Chaos ensures, until Zak stops it._

"**Wait a fuckin' bloody minute!** I'm the key chief and I say..."

_Then he looks at everyone was looking sad._

"We all stir." he said in his regular british voice.

_Everyone cheers & Wheezie did her annoying laugh and snort._

_Then Zak held out five wooden spoons. Everyone grabs one & started stirring the contains in the bowl._

_For some dumb reason, they started singing._

"Someone's in the kitchen with Wheezie. Someone's in the kitchen I kno-ow-ow-ow. Someone's in the kitchen with Wheezie."

"Ah Ha!Ha!" Wheezie laughed for some dumb reason.

_Then several windows were breaking in the background, because everyone was holding that last note on too long._

"**DAMMIT! MY CAR!**" the director shouted. "You stupid kids and your shitty-ass song! That gay little song of yours is gonna cost you, half of your checks!"

"Fuck!" Max sniffed.

_Anyway, the scene is on Emmy now._

"I think, it's done."

_Then Wheezie turns the page of the cookbook._

"Time to pour it in the baking pan." Zak said.

_Then he and Wheezie grabbed several baking pans._

"Oh no. We don't have one, that's big enough." Wheezie said, as she & Zak put their hands on their hips.

"I guess, we should've planned for that, too." Cassie said, for some reason was still standing by the sink, as she was earlier.

"Maybe, we can pour the batter into all three pans, and make a triple layer cake!" Emmy said.

"Bloody good idea, Emmy!" Zak said. "Pour it in."

_Then Emmy grabs the bowl & starts pouring the batter into the pans. The stolen Hanna-Barbera 'slime-pouring' sound plays, as she does this._

"Perfect." Wheezie said. "It's time to bake it!"

"Oh shap!" Zak exclaims. "We can't!"

"Why not?" Max asks stupidly.

"Because, we're not allowed to use the oven without Mum." Zak explained.

"I can fix that." Wheezie said.

_Then she opened her mouth & let out some fire, which started cooking the pans._

"**CUT!**" shouted the director. "That's not right, you idiot! Stick to the script!"

_**Take 2**_

"I can fix that." Wheezie said. "**MOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!**"

_Zak covered his ears, as did everyone else. Several more windows on the director's car breaks._

"Oh great!" The Director shouted. "There goes the rest of my windows!"

"**WHAT THE HELL, DO YOU WANT!**" shouted a voice from off-screen.

"Can you come in here and help Zaky & me bake this cake!" Wheezie shouted.

"**OH SURE!**" shouted Zak & Wheezie's mom. "**THERE'S NOTHING GOOD ON TV, ANYWAY!**"

_Now the scene fades to the Cake Baking Contest. There's a bunch of background dragons with their cakes._

"And we decided who would do what and planned out everything. Well almost everything. I ate all of the dragonberries & we had to use 'dragonberry juice' instead. Ha!Ha!Ha! But Zak was a great chef and the cake came out perfect. And when we win the first prize, we're gonna give it to you, Quetzal. 'Cause it's a cookbook and we all know how much you love to cook." Ord said excitedly without taking a breath.

_Then he takes a breath._

"Whoo! Now that was a mouthful."

"_Gracias niños_. That was very thoughtful of you." Quetzal said, as he put a hand on Ord's shoulder and took a puff from his joint. "Man! This is so good shit! I'm so fuckin' _zumbado_!"

"Look! It's time for the judges, to choose the best cake." Emmy pointed out, as they showed a buch of cakes.

_Then it shows a orange dragon arm, with a yellow & blue award ribbon._

"This tasty, dragonberry juice & carrot cake gets." the female dragon said.

_It then shows the main cast._

"Second place." she said.

_The main cast with the exception of Quetzal, who was still high, was sad._

"Oh no." Max cried.

"We didn't come in first." Zak said.

"No cookbook?" Ord asked sadly, as he looked at Quetzal, hoping that he can do something about the judges' decision.

"We wanted to win it for you." Emmy added sadly.

"Aww!" Wheezie finished.

"That is okay, _amigos_." Quetzal started. "This is something I like better than cooking & smoking blunts all day."

_It then shows them on a picnic blanket & the cake._

"And that is; eating 'Dragonberry Juice' & carrot cake is my favorite." Quetzal said, as he started cutting up the cake.

He gives them each a piece of cake.

Ord slurps the frosting off his, as Quetzal takes a big bite out of his.

"Mmm!" Max called out.

"Yummy." Emmy added.

"It's so good!" Ord burped.

"It's bloody great!" Zak exclaims.

"**LOOOOOVE IT!**" Wheezie shouted her lame catchphrase again. "_**Ha!Hee!Ha!Ha!Ha!** Snort!_"

"Mmmm!" Quetzal said. "What kind of 'Dragonberry Juice', did you _niños_ use?"

_Ord takes out the red bottle from earlier._

"This!" he exclaims.

_The fake label falls to the ground. The actual product was exposed._

"_Laxatives?_" Ord read. "What a funny name. What does that mean?"

_Then all their stomachs started rumbling._

"Oh." Zak said, as he & Whezzie held their stomachs. "I don't feel so good!"

"Me neither." Cassie said.

"What's happening, Emmy?" Max asked.

"How the hell should I know?" Emmy exclaims.

_Then all of a sudden, Max started pooping in his pants._

"Uh oh! I just pooped in my pants!"

_Then Ord started shitting a lot._

"Holy shit!"

"Literally! _Ha!Hee!Ha!Ha!Ha!_" Wheezie laughed.

_Then Zak & Wheezie started shitting too._

"**LOOOOOVE IT!**" she said stupidly.

_This effect did the opposite on Quetzal's old pot-smoking ass._

"**My heart!**" he hollered, as he clutched his heart.

_Then his whole stomach explodes, thus killing him._

"Oh my god!" Cassie shouted, as she was shitting a little. "Ord killed Quetzal!"

_Then she turned to Ord angrily._

"**You** **bastard!**"

"Sorry." Ord cried, as he was now shitting on Emmy's shoes.

_Then the judges came up to them. They was also shitting & was holding pitchforks & torches._

"**Those are the fucks, that are responsible for us shitting a lot!**" shouted a dragon judge.

"Let's get 'em!" shouted another dragon judge.

"**HOLY SHIT!**" the dragons, Emmy & Max exclaimed in Tourette's Guy's voice.

_They started running & still pooping in the process._

"That little girl's head will look perfect above my fireplace!" shouted a third dragon judge.

_The kids & dragons ran, until they tripped over a tree root in the ground. They fell over ontop of each other._

_The judge dragons & a few others ran up to them._

"Now we get 'em! Let's start killing!"

_The dragon judges started ripping, burning, cutting, and or eating the smaller dragons & human kids up._

"**CUT AND PRINT!**" the director laughed, as Wheezie's dead head flew past. "That'll teach those fucks right, for breaking all my windows on my car!"

_**Author's Note: Well, finally chapter two of Draggin' Tails is finished. It took about 8 months and 16 days, but it's done. Coming up in chapter 3: Zak goes to the doctor. Will things go right or wrong. Review!**_


End file.
